expectations | organised castle

It is less than 3 weeks until Christmas and there is no doubt that it is one of the most stressful times of the year. This is partly due to the pressure we put on ourselves as a response to the media and advertising hype that invades our lives.

The images and expectations are thrown at us every day but reach a crescendo at this time of the year. Perfect gifts, on-trend decorating, mountains of food and joyous relationships are portrayed in all types of media. We have been exposed to these expectations for our whole lives so we continue to burden ourselves with our quest for the ‘perfect’ Christmas.

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Then there are traditions. The definition of this innocuous little word is: “the transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way” Many families have traditions around Christmas and this can be a lovely touchpoint, especially for children. It could be putting out reindeer food on Christmas Eve, hanging stockings on the end of your bed, going to Midnight Mass, viewing Christmas lights in your suburb or putting up the Christmas tree on a certain date. All of these and many other little things are what can make Christmas special for your family.

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The problem with traditions is that they can actually be a cover for a guilt trip. You know the scenario – “but we always have hot turkey lunch” – when you would really rather be playing cricket at the beach and eating a burger from the deli across the road. That might be a bit extreme but it is an example of the sort of situations that arise every year in many families.

Expectations need to be modified as children grow and families take on different forms. What is a fun activity for a 5 and 8 year old might be utterly tiresome for those same children 10 years later. Trying to force them to conform to ‘traditions’ that you set up will only drive them away.

The addition of partners adds a whole new dimension as they have their own family and that needs to be respected, too. In time there will be grandchildren and the whole cycle begins again.

The end result of striving for the perfect Christmas is generally less than perfect and can be downright horrible so perhaps it is time to reassess. Set realistic goals, enjoy the moment and don’t set yourself responsible for the behaviour and happiness of others – that is their responsibility.

What is your experience? Do you have traditions? Are you prepared to let things go as circumstances change?

The catalyst for writing this post came in the form of a post on a friend’s Facebook page where she posted a link to this article. While the ‘extreme grooming’ that is described in the article is about a television presenter, it can be seen every day in our offices and shops.

Then just to top it off I found another link via Facebook about the ‘social experiment’ conducted by Karl Stefanovic. He wore the same suit every day for a year – and no-one noticed. This was his silent protest to highlight the way his female co-hosts were constantly judged and critiqued on what they wore and their hairstyles.

These articles in the media highlight the unreasonable pressures and expectations that society has on women in general and more specifically women who are constantly in the spotlight such as television presenters. It saddens me to realise how much of this pressure is on women in all walks of life.

There have been small, incremental steps to break down these ‘societal norms’ but we must all be a part of the solution if things are really to change. The Little Brown Dress project by Alexa Martin in 2005 – 2006 chronicled her anti-consumerism stance in which she wore the same dress every day for a year. Like Karl Stefanovic, no-one really noticed. Project 333, is loosely based on the same principle – have a small number of clothes that you wear and love and realise that the world mostly does not care what you wear. Anyway, none of us should be defined by the clothes we wear.

To return to the first link in this post, make-up and grooming are yet another facet of us feeling the expectation that we have to present ourselves to the world in a certain way.

I have never been a great fan of make-up and tend to keep my make-up to an absolute minimum. I no longer colour my hair and have a small but much-loved selection of clothes. My clothes fit my lifestyle and I feel good in them.

What about you? Do you feel pressured to present a certain face to the world? Does your workplace have an expectation of how you are groomed?