Tag Archives: parents

A Little Bit Weird

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I know that it is a slightly odd title but it really describes the last 8 days or so.

As I mentioned in my previous post, we are on holidays in Queensland. This is my home state and where we lived for 22 years before moving to Victoria about 18 months ago. I am delighted to be on holidays here and we spent a week at the beach over Christmas with both of our daughters and 2 granddaughters. We have enjoyed spending time with my sister, brother-in-law and brother as well as catching up with several friends.

However, underneath all of the fun and socialising I had an odd, nagging feeling that somehow unsettled me when I least expected it yet I could not pinpoint the source. That was…………until yesterday. I realised this was the first time I had returned to Queensland on holidays from interstate since my parents had died. The odd feeling was coming ‘home’ but Mum and Dad were not here. 2025 will mark the 4th and 24th anniversaries of their deaths respectively. I love and miss them both every day but this trip has turned out to be particularly poignant. I am so glad that I figured out my feelings as I honour their memory.

The Emotional Stuff – Part 2

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About 10 days ago I wrote this post.

2015-06-22 01Tonight I would like to follow that up with this piece, also written by my friend, Patty.

 In the town of my youth, behind the double brick home that is my mother’s neighbour’s house, is a hoarder.
The daughter of a very cranky, intolerant almost-100 year old father, (who lives in a nursing home on the other side of the river) she lives by herself with her mother’s memories and furniture.
Downstairs, you are barely able to squeeze past the belongings of her mother’s old home.
The furniture, the tables, the sofas, dusty with age and just covered with plastic, the china cabinets, and boxes, and boxes, and boxes of glassware and who-knows-whatever-else. All stored.
Filling up her house, cluttering her own life.
She moans to my sister as they hose their lawns. “I wish I could travel! It’s too expensive.”
My sister and I would sympathise and suggest she sell some of her mother’s possessions.
“Oh no! I could never do that! It’s too precious!”
And so her life is unlived, her home a rambling, chaotic mess of someone else’s life.
There’s barely enough room for herself. Her mother lives on, in every room.
It’s physically demanding, cramped and unacceptable.
She lives within the shadows, unhappy, miserable, resentful, and unable to move on.

She knows the answer to the situation, she just hasn’t asked herself the question.
Why keep it all, and what happened to MY life!

I have said to my own sons: “When I go, keep what you want, no obligation, and chuck the rest!”

While this is probably an extreme example, it is a stark reminder that we cannot live our lives if we are weighed down by emotional attachments to the stuff of previous generations.

How do you feel about this?  Have you had to deal with this sort of situation?

The Emotional Stuff

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Firstly, I would like to say thank to all of you who have sent your caring thoughts and healing wishes for my mother.  She continues to improve and will be home again in no time.

Tonight I want to share some words from my friend, Patty.  She posted this on Facebook today and I immediately thought that it may be useful to those of you who are struggling with the loss of a parent and the possessions that are left behind.  Dealing with them can be a challenging and time-consuming process.

Some of us are struggling with our elderly parents; in our care, in their death; in recent passing. My garage downstairs is full of my parents’ lives, and every time I go to unpack it, and sort it, I am taken back to my childhood and the re-living of this emotion is draining and emotionally exhausting. As much as we loved our parents, there’s a lot of “stuff” to be dealt with, in a practical way.

I hope this might help you? The Amen is complimentary.  Light a candle, and say this out loud. Tears are optional. It’s all release. No rules.

Parents Prayer

To my parents, grandparents, and my earthly ancestors who came before me, thank you.
Thank you for your love and guiding wisdom.
Thank you for loving me, every day; in every way.
Thank you for all of your hard work, your concern, and your complete acceptance of me and my spirit.
Thank you for your precious gift of life and love.
It is received with gratitude.
Thank you for our family, for all of the good times, for your precious memories.
I am now able to live my own adult life, and walk with my face towards the sun.
I shall swing my arms with happiness and freedom, knowing that this is what you want me to do.
Mum and dad, I release you, with love. Thank you for everything.
I love you all, forever.
I will remember you with respect and gratitude. Thank you.
I release you all, back to the universe. I release you all; back to the earth and beyond. Thank you.
It is so.

Amen.

2015-06-22 01Remember, it is the memories that are important and will sustain you.  The stuff is a separate issue.