The Emotional Stuff – Part 2

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About 10 days ago I wrote this post.

2015-06-22 01Tonight I would like to follow that up with this piece, also written by my friend, Patty.

 In the town of my youth, behind the double brick home that is my mother’s neighbour’s house, is a hoarder.
The daughter of a very cranky, intolerant almost-100 year old father, (who lives in a nursing home on the other side of the river) she lives by herself with her mother’s memories and furniture.
Downstairs, you are barely able to squeeze past the belongings of her mother’s old home.
The furniture, the tables, the sofas, dusty with age and just covered with plastic, the china cabinets, and boxes, and boxes, and boxes of glassware and who-knows-whatever-else. All stored.
Filling up her house, cluttering her own life.
She moans to my sister as they hose their lawns. “I wish I could travel! It’s too expensive.”
My sister and I would sympathise and suggest she sell some of her mother’s possessions.
“Oh no! I could never do that! It’s too precious!”
And so her life is unlived, her home a rambling, chaotic mess of someone else’s life.
There’s barely enough room for herself. Her mother lives on, in every room.
It’s physically demanding, cramped and unacceptable.
She lives within the shadows, unhappy, miserable, resentful, and unable to move on.

She knows the answer to the situation, she just hasn’t asked herself the question.
Why keep it all, and what happened to MY life!

I have said to my own sons: “When I go, keep what you want, no obligation, and chuck the rest!”

While this is probably an extreme example, it is a stark reminder that we cannot live our lives if we are weighed down by emotional attachments to the stuff of previous generations.

How do you feel about this?  Have you had to deal with this sort of situation?

The Emotional Stuff

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Firstly, I would like to say thank to all of you who have sent your caring thoughts and healing wishes for my mother.  She continues to improve and will be home again in no time.

Tonight I want to share some words from my friend, Patty.  She posted this on Facebook today and I immediately thought that it may be useful to those of you who are struggling with the loss of a parent and the possessions that are left behind.  Dealing with them can be a challenging and time-consuming process.

Some of us are struggling with our elderly parents; in our care, in their death; in recent passing. My garage downstairs is full of my parents’ lives, and every time I go to unpack it, and sort it, I am taken back to my childhood and the re-living of this emotion is draining and emotionally exhausting. As much as we loved our parents, there’s a lot of “stuff” to be dealt with, in a practical way.

I hope this might help you? The Amen is complimentary.  Light a candle, and say this out loud. Tears are optional. It’s all release. No rules.

Parents Prayer

To my parents, grandparents, and my earthly ancestors who came before me, thank you.
Thank you for your love and guiding wisdom.
Thank you for loving me, every day; in every way.
Thank you for all of your hard work, your concern, and your complete acceptance of me and my spirit.
Thank you for your precious gift of life and love.
It is received with gratitude.
Thank you for our family, for all of the good times, for your precious memories.
I am now able to live my own adult life, and walk with my face towards the sun.
I shall swing my arms with happiness and freedom, knowing that this is what you want me to do.
Mum and dad, I release you, with love. Thank you for everything.
I love you all, forever.
I will remember you with respect and gratitude. Thank you.
I release you all, back to the universe. I release you all; back to the earth and beyond. Thank you.
It is so.

Amen.

2015-06-22 01Remember, it is the memories that are important and will sustain you.  The stuff is a separate issue.

Still Decluttering

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Posts have been somewhat lacking this week as my real life is demanding more of my time and I have barely been online.  Please bear with me as this will continue for the next couple of weeks.

I have spent a couple of days putting my decluttering skills to good use as I sorted and tidied the pantry in my mother’s unit.  Although it is a one bedroom unit in a retirement village there is a small but functional kitchen with a walk-in pantry.

I did not have my camera with me to show you some before and after photos but I will try to explain a little of what I did.

There was some great organisation already in place.  All of the small jars of herbs and spices live in a shoebox to keep them together.

The first step was to check for duplicates of items – there were a couple and then I decanted items that were in packets into appropriately sized containers.  There was no shortage of storage jars and canisters.  I then gathered like things together.  The baking ingredients – flour, raising agents, coconut etc are all on one shelf.  Dried fruit and nuts are together as are breakfast provisions.

One of the important lessons I discovered from this exercise is that we have to constantly adapt to changing circumstances.  My mother no longer prepares her own evening meal so many of the things that I keep in my pantry are simply not applicable to her situation.  I am aware that some of the ingredients that she has will probably not be replaced when they are depleted.

Pantry storageThe other consideration is the size of the containers.  The above photo is my pantry but the large red-lidded jars came from from Mum.  I have now acquired another 4 as Mum no longer needs them.  She simply does not keep that much of anything and the jars are quite heavy and difficult to handle.

I can see another bit of re-arranging of my own pantry coming up as I consider what other ingredients I will keep in the large jars and work out a way to fit them in.

Circumstances are constantly evolving as we welcome children into our homes, they grow and then finally leave home.  Later there may be the addition of grandchildren or the death of a spouse.  All of these things require us to adapt what we have and how we use it.  It is easy for the essentials of one phase of our lives to become the clutter of the future so it is wise to review our needs regularly.

I would love to hear your thoughts on changing circumstances and clutter.

Away From Home

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I have been away for a couple of days as I have had some family commitments.  Luckily, I had prepared the ‘Wordless Wednesday’ post on the weekend so it was ready to go.

I don’t have anything particular to share but I have noticed recently that everywhere I turn there seems to be discussion about excess stuff and decluttering.  Is it just me or have you noticed the same?

2015-05-28 01For ‘Flashback Friday’ I will find one of my previous posts on decluttering and living with less.  In the meantime please share your thoughts.  Have you decluttered?  Do you wish you could?  Is there any particular aspect you would like me to write about and discuss?

2015-05-28 02

Memo to Mr Abbott

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This post from Not Forgotten is a reminder that coal is not good for humanity.

A Blog about Smog

I don’t think that I can spend a month in China and not say something about the smog.  From the first day we arrived in Yangshou I have felt disoriented, as if my senses have shut down and I am unable to “tell” what the weather will do. The sky is unlike anything I have seen before and the air feels different. While there have been some gloriously clear days, in general, a grey haze hangs in the air and it feels oppressive.  Steven and I have both been coughing since we arrived and I am convinced that it is smog irritation.  Steven is a well managed asthmatic and I have feared that the smog would set off an attack but thankfully this has not happened.  Before we left for China, friends who visit here often for work warned us about the smog and they check the air quality before they travel.

I am writing this in Xining, at the edge of the Tibetan Plateau on the 23 floor of the hotel.  I look across at the other skyscrapers and the dirty haze just hangs in the sky.  It horrifies me that I am breathing that air. Do children who grow up with this think it’s ordinary weather? How long would you have to be here before you started to accept this as normal, that a really smoggy day was just a bad day?

Today in Xining the Air Quality Index is 134 which means it falls in the “Unhealthy for Sensitive Groups” category. Apparently the general public, like me, wont be affected, but Steve with his asthma may be affected.  To give you a comparison, Brisbane, where we live, was 45 on the same day, in the “Good” category.

In Beijing I read an article in a magazine for expatriates living there.  A man discussed his dilemma about staying and working in a country he loved now that he had a young child. He had been ok about putting himself in the unhealthy environment but felt completely different when he made that unhealthy choice for his child. Lucky him, he had the choice of whether to leave or not, the Chinese don’t.

P1090187 (2)The cause of the pollution is complex, but I understand that it comes predominantly from traffic and coal fired power plants, and that China’s rapid growth fuels the pollution. The development here is mind boggling. Everywhere we go there are skyscrapers being built, not just one 30 storey building at a time but groups of 9 or 10 skyscrapers being erected at the same time and there might be five or six groups in a row creating a forest of skyscrapers. There’s a lot of production and transportation that goes into that enormous level of development.

Consider this for a moment, China produces 70% of all solar panels in the world. In Australia we pat ourselves on the back for using solar panels and happily buy them from China, and yet the production of these panels takes a large amount of water, a precious resource in China, and creates a lot of toxic waste.

China is taking action to address the pollution problem but it is difficult to get a balanced report on this.  There is a lot of propaganda from China and the West about China’s pollution and its actions to address it, but in 2013 the Economist reported “the remarkable thing is not what China has failed to do but what it has achieved, especially in reining in carbon dioxide. Its carbon emissions are growing at half the rate of GDP, a bit better than the global average. China has also boosted investment in renewable energy far more than any other country. It has the world’s most ambitious plans for building new nuclear power stations.”

I certainly don’t know the answer but I do know that this environment is not ok for people to live in. On those rare occasions when I get the opportunity to talk to Chinese people in English, and tell them we are going to Lhasa, the first thing they say is that the air there is clear and you can see the blue sky. That is profoundly sad.

If you want to read more try these links:

http://www.economist.com/news/briefing/21583245-china-worlds-worst-polluter-largest-investor-green-energy-its-rise-will-have

http://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/china-tries-new-tactic-combat-pollution-transparency

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pollution_in_China

Wordless Wednesday

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Not quite wordless and not my words or photo but worth sharing.  Photo is courtesy of Amnesty International and the words are from a Facebook post of a friend.

2015-04-29 01“It has been a terribly sad time recently, with the Bali executions, the deaths of the migrants in the sea off Italy, the massive death toll in Nepal, the death of young Freddy Gray in Baltimore whilst in the custody of the Baltimore police, etc, etc. I have prayed for them all.

I have also taken time today to think of the families, friends, neighbours of the 35 innocent men, women and children who were massacred on 28th/29th April in 1996 in Tasmania, by Martin Bryant who will end his days in prison, as he should.

Life is too short. Live it well. Humankind should be both: human and kind.”

Centenary

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Today, 25th April is the anniversary of the landing of Australian and New Zealand troops at Gallipoli during WW1.

2015-04-25 012015 marks the centenary of this event and the various commemorative events have attracted huge interest and some of the largest crowds ever.

I did not attend any formal gathering but did spend time reflecting on the service of men and women in all conflicts.  As well as those who made the ultimate sacrifice, let us not forget the prisoners-of-war and those whose lives were curtailed by physical and psychological wounds and their families.

It seems that there is barely a family who has not been touched by war.  Social media has been awash with posts as many seek to share their stories.  One post led me to find this poem.  The final two lines are a stark reminder.

A Poem for Remembrance Day

Why are they selling poppies, Mummy?
Selling poppies in town today.
The poppies, child, are flowers of love.
For the men who marched away.

But why have they chosen a poppy, Mummy?
Why not a beautiful rose?
Because my child, men fought and died
In the fields where the poppies grow.

But why are the poppies so red, Mummy?
Why are the poppies so red?
Red is the colour of blood, my child.
The blood that our soldiers shed.

The heart of the poppy is black, Mummy.
Why does it have to be black?
Black, my child, is the symbol of grief.
For the men who never came back.

But why, Mummy are you crying so?
Your tears are giving you pain.
My tears are my fears for you my child.
For the world is forgetting again.

Lest we forget.

Flashback Friday

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As with all new projects, ‘Flashback Friday’ is being fine-tuned.  As well as linking back to the original post I am going to copy and paste it into a new post.  So, here goes…..this is from August 2012 just before Izz turned 3.

I have been making a gift for Izz for her birthday.  She has a doll’s bed which has been passed down to her but no bedding.

I bought 2 u-shaped pillowcases recently from the op shop.  Here is one that I have unpicked ready to use.  Note the roll of fabric which is the dismantled and pressed frill.

2012-08-06 01The Duke bought a piece of foam cut to size for the mattress and I have covered that using some of the pillowcase fabric.

2012-08-06 02The next step was to make a patchwork quilt.  I worked out the size and number of pieces I would need.  The plain pink is more of the pillowcase, plain mauve from a piece in my stash of fabric, Dora pattern is a few leftover scraps from the doona cover and curtains that I made for Miss O last year and the pink patterned fabric is from a blouse I picked up at the op shop.  The frill is the one I unpicked from the pillowcase.  The hemmed edge remained intact so I simply regathered it and reapplied to the quilt edge.

2012-08-06 03I bought a large piece of cotton/bamboo batting for a bed quilt I am working on for Izz’s bed so I used a small piece for this quilt.  (I think this is a rather spoiled doll!)  The backing is more leftovers from some op shop fabric.  I quilted it by simply machine stitching along the seam lines which is nothing fancy but seems effective.

2012-08-06 04The finishing touch was to make a matching pillow.  A couple more fabric scraps and some salvaged filling from an old cushion and I had a complete set of bedding for the doll.  Here is the mattress with the pillow.

2012-08-06 05The total cost of things I bought specifically for this project was $6.60.  This is a gift which I know will be loved regardless of the cost.  I am looking forward to seeing Izz’s face when she opens the gift.

Now I need to work on the the bed quilt I am making as well since her birthday is in 2 weeks and I want to be able to give her the present before we go on holidays.

2015-04-03 01In the interests of presenting a complete picture here are a couple of photos I took when she received her parcel.

2015-04-03 02

Kitchen Appliances to Keep – Or Not?

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I am short on time tonight but I thought I would share this link which is food for thought.  It lists 5 kitchen appliances that you may not really need.  They are:

1  Blender

2  Electric Grill

3  Baby Food Maker

4  Microwave oven

5  Panini Press

2015-03-10 01I have been giving quite a bit of thought to this exact topic recently so when a friend posted the link it caught my eye and gave my a bit more to think about.

I would love to hear your thoughts on what you have and why.  I will be back with my own detailed response tomorrow.

Keep watching for a new series beginning on Friday.